TLC by Chrouya Script: Little Busters Episode 2 [TLC'd OtakuFreak][QC applied - timing] Workraw: Little Busters 02_10bit_p 3 ...like s-sweets, snacks and candy falling from the sky! ...like s-sweets, sweets and snacks falling from the sky! {don't go for repetition in here} 5 {timing isn't correct. the "koko de" is still part of line 4} 7 Not someone from the guidance council imitating his voice? Not a teacher from the guidance council imitating his voice? {just being more to the point} 10 Give me a minute, alright? Give me a minute, all right? {alternative, depends on preference of writing either alright or all right} 11 I will. Let's see... {The former line seems as if Riki says it, but this line is actually an ellipsis of Kamikita saying "I'll be there in a moment". Just taking the "I will" is too vague. Alternatively, try using "I'll be right..." to keep the context in in English.} 12 I'm in trouble, I can't get out. Oh no, I can't get out! {I'd think of a liberal translation here} 28 Wha-Wha-What should I do? Wh-Wh-What should I do? {stutter convention} 29 I can't get a bride now. {==> I still don't know why it needs a TL note when Riki goes into this statement right after} {TL Note: Usually one would say "Mou oyome ni ikenai", meaning "I can't be a bride anymore". Instead, she said "moraenai", meaning she can't have a bride now.} 30 I dn't think you can get one in the first place... I don't think you can get one in the first place... {typo} 41 Since you're already here... Want a donut? Since you're already here... Have a donut, you. {edit this to better English. She adds the English "yuu" - you at the end of the sentence} 46 But you know, I don't want people to find out about this place... But you know, I'm in trouble once people find out about this place... 47 That could be problematic... A lot of trouble... {It didn't sound nice, so I made it more literal here} *V2 check. Liberalized it a bit again* 62 Always repeating... A happiness spiral! Always repeating... You see, a spiral of happiness! {a vicious circle~} 70 We're forming a casual baseball team. We're forming a backyard baseball team. {to blog} {the reason I use backyard here is because it's easier to link to "plants" in this context} {also, backyard baseball is a DS game, featuring kids going to play baseball} {perhaps find a way to link "plants" and lit. "grass baseball" together?} 88 Cheapskate!? what do you mean by cheapskate? Cheapskate?! What do you mean by cheapskate?! {punctuation} 104 What commotion?... It's all this idiot! What commotion? It's just this idiot! {don't know what an ellipsis marker (...) is doing here} =====SIGN: NOVEL====== メンバーが足りなきゃバンドが進めねぇぞ！ どーすんだよ！ まぁな。。。 なんだぁ？ お前は。。。 銀髪流しのハッパベース！ We can't go on with the band without members! {a lack of members} What're we gonna do?! Well... What? You're— Happa Bass of the Flowing Silver Hair! {a parody on Shana of the Burning Eyes} =========== 168 Skipping out on your job and not doing your duty, people won't like you. If you skip out on your duties, people won't like you. {weird english, and omitted words that are not part of the original line} 181 {wrong timing. "kono saki sotsugyou to ka shite sa" is part of line 182} 182 {see above} 183 Mind your own business idiot. "Mind your own business, idiot." {punctuation} 191 [sign] -There is a secret in this world, If you wish to know it, you'll have to complete every task.- [sign] -There is a secret in this world, If you wish to know it, you'll have to clear every challenge.- 195 Your first task, fix the sanitation problem of the storage shack in the boy's dormitory. Hereby the first challenge: Fix the hygienic problem of the storage shed of the boy's dormitory. {fixed wording} 198 Cat's can't write at all right? Cats aren't even capable of writing. {changed the sentence after seeing punctuation errors} 201 Can it be... Rin, are you going to complete this task? Wait a moment, Rin. Are you going to attempt this challenge? {again, I prefer the word challenge here} 203 It might be some childish prank... It might just be some childish prank... {didn't see "tada no" reflected in the translation} 209 It was as if a cat was chasing some strange thing that was moving around... As if she was a cat, chasing some strange thing moving around in front of her. {changed wording} 212 Life is unchanging everyday. That's all there is. It's but a peaceful everyday life wherein nothing ever changes. {it's one sentences} 216 That's the sleeping disorder I've had since childhood. That's the disorder I've had since childhood. 217 Sleep attacks... A sleeping sickness. {in line 217, he finally tells what kind of sickness it is.} 221 Me a fourth? Me as fourth? {or "I'm the fourth?"} 230 We're going to fix the sanitation problem in the boy's dormitory. Let's go fix the hygienic problem of the boy's dorm's storage shed! 231 So this is the storage shack... So this is the storage shed... {both fine, but keep it consistent.} 234 {does not need a TL note, really.} {or else, put it somewhere in credits, but this is an unnecessary pause in my opinion.} 235 You're serious about doing this Rin? You're serious about doing this, Rin? {QC, watch the punctuation next time} 239/240 Just so you know, when I clean seriously, it makes me want to go, "Muscles, yay yay!" Or something like that. --> Frankly, whenever I have to clean,I have an odd habit that's making me all itchy, and making me dance like "Muscles, yay yay!" {it was half guesslated} 273 {pointer for "alright" --> all right} {calling this #2} 276 Actually... Kamikita was it... Actually...Kamikita, was it? {timing is too rough here too} {fixed punctuation} 290 You're going to complete the task, right? You're going to complete the challenge, right? {I'll call this change #1} 296 Thanks to Kamikita-san, your task was completed. Thanks to Kamikita-san, your challenge is hereby cleared. {#1} 297 Alright, now that the baseball's clubroom is nice and tidy, lets play some baseball! Alright, now that the baseball's clubroom is nice and tidy, let's play some baseball! {lets is let + us} 319 Nine.. Nine... {2 dots is not an option} 375/376 {add comma's before the names} Come on, Rin. Nice to meet you, Rin-chan! 378 Aah, I'm weirded out! No good! {Eh? The " komaru" refers to the fact that she's not used to be called Rin-chan, effectively increasing her embarrassment.} 388 {#2} {All right just reads more professional and is better to the eye.} ======TITLE====== If you're happy, I'm happy as well. =================